As I've mentioned, I'm over the rush and push of modern parenting. I was simply too tired and stressed. This year I have took a step back. I'm exploring the main ideas behind 'Slow Parenting'. I'm finding a calmer, happier journey through parenthood.
Below, I take a look at why Slow (Simplicity) Parenting is growing in popularity and give a simple explanation of what it means to be a 'Slow Down' parent.
Why Is It Becoming 'A Thing'?
Slow Parenting (also called Simplicity Parenting) has rapidly gained popularity in recent years. Carl Honore first coined the phrase a few years ago. His book, Under Pressure, published in 2008, set out the main principles of Slow Parenting, it quickly became a best seller. In 2009, TIME magazine described Under Pressure as the “gospel of the slow-parenting movement.” It has so far been translated into over 20 languages.
Other talented writers soon brought their ideas to the table, serving to add momentum to the Slow Parenting movement. To name but a few: Tom Hodgkinson's best selling book 'The Idle Parent' was published in 2009; Kim John Payne published Simplicity Parenting in 2010; Fed Up with Frenzy: Slow Parenting in a Fast-Moving World by Susan Sachs Lipman was published in 2012; A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go by Racheal Macy Stafford came out in 2014.
Books inspired blogs, inspired podcasts, inspired conversations between parents and . . Here we are, 2016, the Slow Parenting stone is gathering no moss. People are starting to realise that Slow Parenting is not only for people who weave and only eat what they forrage. Even frantic, urbanite, shopaholics like myself are starting to here about and want to understand the beauty of 'Slow'.
Perhaps the idea of jumping of the treadmill and turning our weary faces to the sun, or lying in bed and snuggling our children has never seemed so enticing to exhausted parents? Or maybe it's the idea of simply enjoying the here and now, rather than endlessly pushing towards an imagined, better tomorrow that's striking a chord? One thing is for sure, the Slow Parenting movement is catching on.
A Reaction To Fast
Many believe 'Slow Parenting's' rapid growth in popularity is a reaction to our fast-paced lives. Somewhere along the way, doing more and doing it fast came to be seen by society as somehow, and in someway better.
Long gone is the 40 hour working week. Many Kiwi workers find themselves under increasing pressure to work longer hours, and have less opportunity to switch off as they receive smartphones and IPads that connect them to their jobs 24/7. Figures show Kiwis work longer hours than many of their OECD counterparts. 13 per cent work long hours (classed as more than 50 hours a week). That's above the OECD average of 9 per cent and higher than Denmark (3 per cent), Canada (4 per cent), Britain (12 per cent) , and the United States (11 per cent).
Add to this the fact that both parents work in most NZ households. The 2014 Government Incomes Report found that around two of every three two-parent families were dual-earner families. The most common arrangement was for both parents to be working full-time. In contrast, in 1982 the dominant pattern was one in full-time work and the other ‘workless’, and only 20% of households saw both parents in full-time work.
Now throw into the mix the increasingly perceived importance for children to participate in a number of extra curricular activities and the need for parents to hit the gym at least three times a week. I recently overheard some trendy corporate types arranging to meet in a 24 hour gym to play squash at 3 in the morning!
And, ofcourse, we still need to feed and wash the kids, do the dishes, laundry, make the beds, clean the toilet . . .
Yup! It's all gone a bit mad!
The result is that many parents and children now live, day in, day out, at an incredibly fast pace, leaving them feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and like their lives are in constant chaos.
A Reaction To The 'Helicopter Parent'
Many also believe that the growing popularity of 'Slow Parenting' is a reaction to Helicopter Parenting, a term coined by Foster Cline and Jim Fay in 1990. It is used to describe mothers and fathers who are “over-involved” in their children's lives. These parents often over-schedule their children in activities, and involve themselves in all aspects of their child's life, hoping to give their child the best chance to be the best they can be. As generational demographer Neil Howe describes it, they attempt to "ensure their children are on a path to success by paving it for them."
Helicopter Parenting comes from a good place, parents are simply trying too hard. Helicopter Parents work hard to create the perfect childhood, the perfect child, who will have the perfect future. However, many experts are now arguing that this approach to parenting puts too much pressure on a child. It doesn't give children the time and space they need to work things out for themselves, or to find out who they are. Many of the parents themselves are drained by their mammoth efforts to do the 'very best' for their children and their hectic schedules means they often miss opportunities to slow down and simply connect with their children in intimate and meaningful ways.
So, instead of fleeing to and fro, parents are now looking to slow down and take the stress out of parenting. They want their journey through parenthood, and their child's experience of growing up, to be a calmer, more positive and connected experience.
They are looking for ways to savour special times with their kids, whilst also stepping back to allow them to develop the skills they need for their adult lives. Instead of planning an endless stream of structured activities, parents are now allowing their children to have free time and are encouraging the free play children need to develop skills such as; self-direction, self-management; and cognitive skills such as planning, problem-solving and decision making.
Inspiration From Times Gone By?
Of course, this is not to say that the idea of a family living simply and slowly is something that was born in 2008. If anything, in days gone by it was perhaps the norm, but at some point this idea was lost. Perhaps it was lost amongst the greed & flashing neon lights of the 1980's, or while we were swept up in the whirlwind of the Beckhams & conspicuous consumption in the 90's. Society changed.
Society has changed. In many ways society has changed for the better. There is no going back nor should there be. For example, the fight for equality for women has made great gains in the last twenty years. Living more slowly and simply should not be translated into women returning to the kitchen sink. Also the economy has changed. Few families could live happily on one wage, even if you do make your own jam (especially if you have bought a house in Auckland).
However, modern society's attitudes towards consumerism can be questioned. Many people today don't seem to be content living simply and finding happiness in this, they are on an endless 'pursuit of happiness' which is only found by acquiring a bigger house, car, more clothes, exotic holidays, increased wealth and status . . . . which requires more work . . . which means less time . . . more stress . . .but it will be worth it in the end. . . . but will it? Does this 'endless pursuit' bring happiness? And where is the end, when do you stop? Is the 'dream' actually realised by most people and for the few who 'live the dream', does it give their life the meaning and happiness they thought it would?
Recently more and more people are questioning the materialism associated with perceived success and happiness. They are over the rush and the push of modern society, the frantic pace, the hard nosed, competitive edge, and the shallow, excessive consumerism. Many are looking to reintroduce some balance and common sense, to recapture the slower, simpler existence our grandparents experienced, whilst acknowledging that this needs to be remoulded for 21st century living. I think this is what the modern Slow Parenting movement is all about.
How To Be A 'Slow Down' Parent
A - Activities - Slow down life by planning less activities for your children.
B - Buy Less - To be able to work less and slow down your life decrease your financial demands by turning your back on excessive consumerism
C - Connections - Slow down so you can spend more time connecting with others. Show an interest in and gain an understanding of others people's lives, your community, your culture and the world in general to be able to make meaningful connections.
D - Decision Making - Step back and allow your child to make some of their own decisions.
E - Explore - Step back and allow your child the time and space to explore their world at their own pace.
F - Family & Friends - Slow down and spend more time with family and friends, embrace your relationships with these special people and recognise how important they are.
G - Go Outside - Step back, encourage your kids to simply go outside and play, to make their own fun, to play with others.
H - Happy - Slow down, relax, fill your house with fun and laughter.
I - Idle - Step back, be an idle parent, leave your kids alone, don't feel guilty about putting your feet up.
J - Just sit there - Slow down, be in the moment, be in the present. Don't think about yesterday or tomorrow. Just sit, be, see and feel the world around you.
K - Kick up leaves - Slow down, spend more time as a family outside, embracing nature and feeling connected to the world in general.
L - Love and laughter - Slow down, enjoy life, work out what really matters.
M - Make things - Step back, give your child simple materials to play with and watch them imagine, create and enjoy.
N - No! - Slow down, learn to say no more often so you can say yes to family time.
O - Obstacles - Step back, let children overcome some of their own problems.
P - Play Pretend - Step back, encourage your child to use their imaginations rather than give them too many toys that do the work for them.
Q - Quit striving for perfection - Slow down, reconsider your to do list, embrace mess. Don't push towards an imagined, perfect future but love the moment your in, be grateful for what you have right now.
R - Risks - Step back, let your children take some risks and learn from their mistakes.
S - Sense of Identity - Step back, give your child the time and space to work out who they are, not what you want them to be. Celebrate their uniqueness.
T - Time - Slow down, work less, remember time is more important than money.
U - Unplug From Technology - To encourage your child to play more naturally, restrict the time spent watching TV and using other technologies. Or unplug from technology all together.
V - Vanquish your inner critic - the one who thinks you need to be doing more to 'succeed'. You will never satisfy her. So don't even try. Instead reconsider your definition of success.
W - Work Less - Spend Less. Live More.
X - eXpectations - Step back - Don't place impossible expectations on your child, they are not a trophy or a project, they are themselves, give them enough comfort to be themselves and watch them fly.
Y - You, in the here and now - Enjoy (and it's ok to enjoy yourself and do things for you, guilt free!)
Z - Zzzzzzzzz - Slow down, take every chance you have to lie in bed or have a nap, guilt free. We are all happier when we are not tired. It's not just the babies who get grizzly.
Other ways to 'embrace slow' . . .
As well as parenting, people are also applying the concept of slow living to other aspects of their lives such as food, fashion, gardening and travel. There are now even Slow Cities emerging across the globe.
Go to www.raisingakiwiprincess.com to find out more
Below, I take a look at why Slow (Simplicity) Parenting is growing in popularity and give a simple explanation of what it means to be a 'Slow Down' parent.
Why Is It Becoming 'A Thing'?
Slow Parenting (also called Simplicity Parenting) has rapidly gained popularity in recent years. Carl Honore first coined the phrase a few years ago. His book, Under Pressure, published in 2008, set out the main principles of Slow Parenting, it quickly became a best seller. In 2009, TIME magazine described Under Pressure as the “gospel of the slow-parenting movement.” It has so far been translated into over 20 languages.
Other talented writers soon brought their ideas to the table, serving to add momentum to the Slow Parenting movement. To name but a few: Tom Hodgkinson's best selling book 'The Idle Parent' was published in 2009; Kim John Payne published Simplicity Parenting in 2010; Fed Up with Frenzy: Slow Parenting in a Fast-Moving World by Susan Sachs Lipman was published in 2012; A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go by Racheal Macy Stafford came out in 2014.
Books inspired blogs, inspired podcasts, inspired conversations between parents and . . Here we are, 2016, the Slow Parenting stone is gathering no moss. People are starting to realise that Slow Parenting is not only for people who weave and only eat what they forrage. Even frantic, urbanite, shopaholics like myself are starting to here about and want to understand the beauty of 'Slow'.
Perhaps the idea of jumping of the treadmill and turning our weary faces to the sun, or lying in bed and snuggling our children has never seemed so enticing to exhausted parents? Or maybe it's the idea of simply enjoying the here and now, rather than endlessly pushing towards an imagined, better tomorrow that's striking a chord? One thing is for sure, the Slow Parenting movement is catching on.
A Reaction To Fast
Many believe 'Slow Parenting's' rapid growth in popularity is a reaction to our fast-paced lives. Somewhere along the way, doing more and doing it fast came to be seen by society as somehow, and in someway better.
Long gone is the 40 hour working week. Many Kiwi workers find themselves under increasing pressure to work longer hours, and have less opportunity to switch off as they receive smartphones and IPads that connect them to their jobs 24/7. Figures show Kiwis work longer hours than many of their OECD counterparts. 13 per cent work long hours (classed as more than 50 hours a week). That's above the OECD average of 9 per cent and higher than Denmark (3 per cent), Canada (4 per cent), Britain (12 per cent) , and the United States (11 per cent).
Add to this the fact that both parents work in most NZ households. The 2014 Government Incomes Report found that around two of every three two-parent families were dual-earner families. The most common arrangement was for both parents to be working full-time. In contrast, in 1982 the dominant pattern was one in full-time work and the other ‘workless’, and only 20% of households saw both parents in full-time work.
Now throw into the mix the increasingly perceived importance for children to participate in a number of extra curricular activities and the need for parents to hit the gym at least three times a week. I recently overheard some trendy corporate types arranging to meet in a 24 hour gym to play squash at 3 in the morning!
And, ofcourse, we still need to feed and wash the kids, do the dishes, laundry, make the beds, clean the toilet . . .
Yup! It's all gone a bit mad!
The result is that many parents and children now live, day in, day out, at an incredibly fast pace, leaving them feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and like their lives are in constant chaos.
A Reaction To The 'Helicopter Parent'
Many also believe that the growing popularity of 'Slow Parenting' is a reaction to Helicopter Parenting, a term coined by Foster Cline and Jim Fay in 1990. It is used to describe mothers and fathers who are “over-involved” in their children's lives. These parents often over-schedule their children in activities, and involve themselves in all aspects of their child's life, hoping to give their child the best chance to be the best they can be. As generational demographer Neil Howe describes it, they attempt to "ensure their children are on a path to success by paving it for them."
Helicopter Parenting comes from a good place, parents are simply trying too hard. Helicopter Parents work hard to create the perfect childhood, the perfect child, who will have the perfect future. However, many experts are now arguing that this approach to parenting puts too much pressure on a child. It doesn't give children the time and space they need to work things out for themselves, or to find out who they are. Many of the parents themselves are drained by their mammoth efforts to do the 'very best' for their children and their hectic schedules means they often miss opportunities to slow down and simply connect with their children in intimate and meaningful ways.
So, instead of fleeing to and fro, parents are now looking to slow down and take the stress out of parenting. They want their journey through parenthood, and their child's experience of growing up, to be a calmer, more positive and connected experience.
They are looking for ways to savour special times with their kids, whilst also stepping back to allow them to develop the skills they need for their adult lives. Instead of planning an endless stream of structured activities, parents are now allowing their children to have free time and are encouraging the free play children need to develop skills such as; self-direction, self-management; and cognitive skills such as planning, problem-solving and decision making.
Inspiration From Times Gone By?
Of course, this is not to say that the idea of a family living simply and slowly is something that was born in 2008. If anything, in days gone by it was perhaps the norm, but at some point this idea was lost. Perhaps it was lost amongst the greed & flashing neon lights of the 1980's, or while we were swept up in the whirlwind of the Beckhams & conspicuous consumption in the 90's. Society changed.
Society has changed. In many ways society has changed for the better. There is no going back nor should there be. For example, the fight for equality for women has made great gains in the last twenty years. Living more slowly and simply should not be translated into women returning to the kitchen sink. Also the economy has changed. Few families could live happily on one wage, even if you do make your own jam (especially if you have bought a house in Auckland).
However, modern society's attitudes towards consumerism can be questioned. Many people today don't seem to be content living simply and finding happiness in this, they are on an endless 'pursuit of happiness' which is only found by acquiring a bigger house, car, more clothes, exotic holidays, increased wealth and status . . . . which requires more work . . . which means less time . . . more stress . . .but it will be worth it in the end. . . . but will it? Does this 'endless pursuit' bring happiness? And where is the end, when do you stop? Is the 'dream' actually realised by most people and for the few who 'live the dream', does it give their life the meaning and happiness they thought it would?
Recently more and more people are questioning the materialism associated with perceived success and happiness. They are over the rush and the push of modern society, the frantic pace, the hard nosed, competitive edge, and the shallow, excessive consumerism. Many are looking to reintroduce some balance and common sense, to recapture the slower, simpler existence our grandparents experienced, whilst acknowledging that this needs to be remoulded for 21st century living. I think this is what the modern Slow Parenting movement is all about.
How To Be A 'Slow Down' Parent
A - Activities - Slow down life by planning less activities for your children.
B - Buy Less - To be able to work less and slow down your life decrease your financial demands by turning your back on excessive consumerism
C - Connections - Slow down so you can spend more time connecting with others. Show an interest in and gain an understanding of others people's lives, your community, your culture and the world in general to be able to make meaningful connections.
D - Decision Making - Step back and allow your child to make some of their own decisions.
E - Explore - Step back and allow your child the time and space to explore their world at their own pace.
F - Family & Friends - Slow down and spend more time with family and friends, embrace your relationships with these special people and recognise how important they are.
G - Go Outside - Step back, encourage your kids to simply go outside and play, to make their own fun, to play with others.
H - Happy - Slow down, relax, fill your house with fun and laughter.
I - Idle - Step back, be an idle parent, leave your kids alone, don't feel guilty about putting your feet up.
J - Just sit there - Slow down, be in the moment, be in the present. Don't think about yesterday or tomorrow. Just sit, be, see and feel the world around you.
K - Kick up leaves - Slow down, spend more time as a family outside, embracing nature and feeling connected to the world in general.
L - Love and laughter - Slow down, enjoy life, work out what really matters.
M - Make things - Step back, give your child simple materials to play with and watch them imagine, create and enjoy.
N - No! - Slow down, learn to say no more often so you can say yes to family time.
O - Obstacles - Step back, let children overcome some of their own problems.
P - Play Pretend - Step back, encourage your child to use their imaginations rather than give them too many toys that do the work for them.
Q - Quit striving for perfection - Slow down, reconsider your to do list, embrace mess. Don't push towards an imagined, perfect future but love the moment your in, be grateful for what you have right now.
R - Risks - Step back, let your children take some risks and learn from their mistakes.
S - Sense of Identity - Step back, give your child the time and space to work out who they are, not what you want them to be. Celebrate their uniqueness.
T - Time - Slow down, work less, remember time is more important than money.
U - Unplug From Technology - To encourage your child to play more naturally, restrict the time spent watching TV and using other technologies. Or unplug from technology all together.
V - Vanquish your inner critic - the one who thinks you need to be doing more to 'succeed'. You will never satisfy her. So don't even try. Instead reconsider your definition of success.
W - Work Less - Spend Less. Live More.
X - eXpectations - Step back - Don't place impossible expectations on your child, they are not a trophy or a project, they are themselves, give them enough comfort to be themselves and watch them fly.
Y - You, in the here and now - Enjoy (and it's ok to enjoy yourself and do things for you, guilt free!)
Z - Zzzzzzzzz - Slow down, take every chance you have to lie in bed or have a nap, guilt free. We are all happier when we are not tired. It's not just the babies who get grizzly.
Other ways to 'embrace slow' . . .
As well as parenting, people are also applying the concept of slow living to other aspects of their lives such as food, fashion, gardening and travel. There are now even Slow Cities emerging across the globe.
Go to www.raisingakiwiprincess.com to find out more
